Complications: There Are Many

July 11th, 2009

So we started out with the wheel, then electricity, then the Wright Brothers. Voila, a few decades later we have an F-18 Hornet… Hold on a second. Is it just me or is technology running away with itself?

I swear in the 1970’s they must have designed a football  field sized vacuum tube computer with one objective: improve thyself. And boom, here we are.

This leads me to several conclusions:

1. Humans only think they rule. We are here as a slave workforce (look at China).

2. We will eventually be harvested as food.

Ah well, we had a good go. All hail our non-organic overloards! 00101011101010101101011………*

Muppets of the Maelstrom

July 11th, 2009

Time Magazine:

“…The colorful imagery, creatively designed characters , and uplifting music create a cacophony of bright high energy entertainment that is sure to please audiences everywhere…”

People Magazine:

“Muppets of the Maelstrom (or M.O.M.) teaches children to have a healthy hate for life at an early age. Prepubescent bitterness is a healthy emotion for young people, allowing them to be hardened before their friends and family rip their spirits from their soul.”

Rolling Stone:

“Maelstrom has opened a whole new market to our readership. Before we where stuck with males 18-30, now we’ve expanded our magazine to kids all over the world. We’ve even started a kids comic piece starring the Camel from Camel cigarettes, and we’re getting a huge response.”

You know those nagging little thoughts?

July 11th, 2009

For all of you reading the TITLE ONLY, here is some clarification: FOR THE RECORD - No I’m not insinuating I’m gay (or have thoughts in that direction), and no I’m not insinuating Obama is gay. I AM however expressing one of those little nagging thoughts or ideas. As soon as I heard the name Barack Obama, I thought of this. And frankly I hadn’t the time to put it together until now. I’m sure this will be ripped off my site and used for any number of horrible applications, but that is not my intent. And Barack, apologies if this starts any rumors, again totally not my intent.

In justification, the price of having broad media coverage, broad opinion targets, and hi res images of your head on the Interweb is simply the risk of you being photoshopped into any number of potentially risky situations. This poster most likely being the least of your worries. Now stop worrying and go solve all of humanity’s problems!

America Embodied in a Single Vehicle

July 11th, 2009

If Americans had a choice, 85% would be riding around in this thing (please include me in this - awesome). Yes, you a re looking at a 600HP mini monster struck that could pull hell out of the earth. It burns 100 litres of gas every few minutes, and sounds like Satan’s belch.

To put the shoe on the other foot though. If I where sitting in a tent in the Middle East sweating my gear off, and waiting to be deployed to the next ‘Insurgent Village’ this might bother me. America is in the Middle East for one reason, oil. (If you don’t believe me, watch this satirical piece, its bubble gum but jam packed with semi-unbiased info) And here’s this guy burning enough petrol product in a single sitting than that of an Afghan village in 2008. So, we’re killing soldiers to feed our insatiable gluttony? Greed tastes like more.

I still want the damn truck though - I’d probably put a rebel flag on it. VROOM VROOM!

Rites and Wrongs of Passage

July 11th, 2009

There is a social question regarding technological development. Some would argue that furthering technology is directly in-line with the furtherance of social evolution with a community. Example: African warlords running around on barefoot with spears. The Euro’s show up, and revolutionize the continent technologically, and what do they do? Behave the exact same way, with vehicles and machine guns. The point being that social development trumps technological every single time. So on that note, if you have a society with a peaceful means of coexistence among a wide range of people - that could be considered technologically superior than, America, per se.

In hindsight, this video is representing the very bottom of the barrel. So all of us in the developed world with means to see this sight; you know we’ve hit bottom when we start throwing our children off of scaffolding with home made rope tied to their ankles to prove their manhood. I’m not to worried about this spreading though, every one of these tribes men can barely walk by age 30.

The Perfect Date

July 8th, 2009

Imagine dating this woman? Seriously. Imagine getting into a tiff about where to go eat? Imagine what her house looks like? I’m guessing a mix between Sesame Street and the Manson residence. I wonder if she lives with a sense of regret, or some degree of practiced insanity?

Freud, eat your heart out… Before she literally eats yours. I’m talking Temple of Doom styles brotha’.

He’s a Witch! Burn Him!

July 8th, 2009

Heathen! Burn him! At very least test him…. Let’s see… Ah, here it is:

Referenced from: Community Ideology and Conduct, 2nd Edition (Circa 1822)

How to test if a Person is a Witch:

Contain said individual in a potato sack, with approximately 50 pounds of stone. Tie sack closed with good twine, containing said individual and stones securely. Drop sack and contents into a lake or river deep enough to completely submerge the sack and contents. If sack floats, said individual is a diviner of the black arts and should be hanged and burned. If sack remains submerged quietly walk away, pretending nothing ever happened. When said individual’s family inquires simply shrug and state that they left them in hopes of meeting better people.

If anyone sees this guy let me know, I’ve been saving a good potato sack for such an occasion - or a similar punishment dealt out to rapists in the Middle East.